Not Knowing

When Sprout was a toddler, he loved magic tricks.  Simple tricks like pulling a coin out of his ear or making something disappear.  His jaw would drop, his eyes would get huge and he would scream, "How you do dat!!!?  How you do dat!!!?"

For years and years, he asked me to do tricks over and over again.  He never tired of them.  He thought I was truly amazing.  Then when he was about six years old, I screwed up a disappearing penny trick and he saw that I put the cap on the bottom of the box instead of the top.  Instantly, he figured out how the trick worked.

He has never asked me to do a magic trick since.  Knowledge completely ruined the magic, the mystery and the wonder of it all.



Oh, hi there, Holly!  How are you?  I haven't seen you in quite awhile.

"Hi, Mr. Deadwood.  Well, to be honest, I've been doing other things.  Losing interest in your blog."

Oh, well, join the crowd.  Can I ask why your interest is waning?

"Well, we talked awhile back about you covering stuff other than just saving, investing and ranting.  You know, things your children could take away to better understand you.  But other than our talk about global warming, you really haven't opened up at all.  In fact, you seem to be more focused on silliness, like your fairy tales and film noir parody, that kind of thing."

(Sigh.)  You're right.  To be honest, I'm a pretty private person.  And anyway, I usually just get everyone pissed off at me.  I find little patience out there for the way I think.

"Because of your lack of common sense?"

Uh...well, there's that...

"Well, try me.  I'm pretty open minded."  

Hmmm...

"No, seriously.  I promise I won't laugh or get upset."

Okay.  What do you want to know?

"I don't know.  How about...are you a Democrat or a Republican?"

Neither.

"Oh.  Why is that?"

Because my position on different issues doesn't align enough with either party for me to want to affiliate.  I've seen too many people just adopt the positions of their party on everything - war, economics, social services,  immigration, abortion, the environment.  It makes no sense to me, especially as party positions have changed over time.  As the great Gerard Depardieu once said, "All your ideas are from the same place."  I don't need that.

"Well, there are other parties.  You could find one that aligns with you better."

Perhaps.  I have no motivation, though.  I guess my need to maintain my intellectual independence outweighs my need to affiliate.

"I can see how your wishy-washiness would get people upset.  People need labels.  Sort of like in high school.  Are you a nerd, or a jock.  That kind of thing."

Very similar.

"Well, that's not so upsetting to me.  But not very enlightening either.  So let's talk about your position on different issues.  You mentioned abortion.  Are you pro-choice or anti-abortion?"

Both.

"(Sigh.)  So you don't believe in global warming, but you don't not believe in global warming, either.  You aren't a Democrat, but you aren't a Republican.  And now you say you are both pro-choice and anti-abortion.  I think you just like attention, Mr. Deadwood."

Well, I admit, my answer is a little provocative, but it's also the most accurate one I have.

"Okay, Mr. Deadwood, you're seriously beginning to annoy me."

I told you!

"But that's because you're being stupid!  How can you claim to be both pro-choice and anti-abortion?"

Because both sides have very valid arguments, but neither side successfully addresses the others' concerns.  Abortion IS killing.  I don't see any way around that fact.  And a woman SHOULD have the right to make decisions about her own body, not some political party dominated by old men.

For me, although the issue is debated in the political realm, it is primarily a deeply philosophical question.  To date, I have yet to hear a perspective that would convince me that only one position is "right."  In fact, I can't even determine if one position is "more right" than another.

"Well, you have the same information as everyone else, Mr. Deadwood.  You just need to take a stand."

Well, that's where I disagree with you, Holly.  And frankly, that's one reason why I irritate so many people including yourself.  People often want others to adopt a position, especially on emotional topics, because they want to categorize people as "with them" or "against them."  They need that certainty, not just in themselves, but in others.  But I am reminded of something F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote:

"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."

Not that I have a first-rate intellect.  And I am taking that quote way out of context.  But the point is, I personally would rather live with the ambiguity, the cognitive dissonance, than to "take a stand" just to fit into someone's taxonomy or to affiliate with someone or something.  In fact, I refuse to take a position even for my own peace of mind.  I won't fool myself into thinking that I "know."

"(Sigh.)  Okay, then, just out of curiosity, let's say you're a young woman and you suddenly became pregnant.  And you don't want to have a baby.  Would you have an abortion or not?"

I honestly don't know, Holly.

"Okay, but by the very fact that you are considering abortion, you're pro-choice!  You aren't anti-abortion!"

Well, your question presupposes choice, remember?  Besides, one can be anti-abortion and still choose to have an abortion.  One's beliefs and actions aren't always consistent.

"True on both counts.  But you're still so frustratingly ambiguous.  Is that all you got?"

That's all I got.  Not only do I not have the answer, I'm not even arrogant enough to assume I do.

"(Sigh.)  Okay, then, what happens when you die?"

I don't know.

"Is man basically good or evil?"

I don't know. 

"What is the meaning of life?"

I don't know. 

 

"Is there free will?"

I don't know.

"(Sigh.)  You know, Mr. Deadwood, I'm not exactly asking anything new, here.  People have been answering these questions for centuries.  They are pretty simple questions."

Well, perhaps the questions are too simple.  Their construct actually supports my point that people have a need to "know."  The questions are simple because people want certainty.  Otherwise, the questions posed could be much more intriguing: How do you think about the nature of the self and its relationship to life and death?  Do you believe your behavior would differ under the presence or absence of free will and if so, how?  Things like that.

"(Sigh.)  What about your kids?  What possible lesson is there in all of this for them?"

Hmmm...good question.  Maybe something like:

Instead of taking positions to appease others, to affiliate or even to achieve peace of mind, have the courage to maintain your intellectual integrity.

It's okay not "knowing."

"True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us."    - Socrates

"The demand for certainty is one which is natural to man, but is nevertheless an intellectual vice."  - Bertrand Russell