Snow White
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, seven dwarfs lived together in a little cottage deep in mining country. Despite their humble, simple lives, (and one could argue, because of their humble, simple lives) they were very happy little dwarfs. How happy? Well, get this, they actually whistled while they worked. That's how happy they were. That is, until a very fair young woman named Snow White came out of nowhere to crash on their couch for an indeterminate amount of time.
Doc: (Ahem.) So, uh...Snow White, how long would you say we've known each other now?
Snow White: Oh, I'd say four or five weeks.
Doc: And they have been happy weeks, am I right? I mean, we've gotten along quite well.
Snow White: Well...yes...
Doc: But you know, sometimes, young people, like you I mean, need to uh...spread their wings, so to speak.
Snow White: What are you saying?
Grumpy: It's time for you to leave. Hit the road. Heigh-ho tail it.
Snow White: Oh!
Sneezy: Don't get us wrong, SW, when you first got here, we welcomed you.
Dopey: But then, well, you just kept hanging around.
Sleepy: You never left.
Sneezy: And you know...we're dwarfs.
Bashful: ...whereas, you're kinda' like...well...Gargantua.
Snow White: But diversity is good!
Doc: It is, it is. It's just that...
Grumpy: ...you eat a lot of food.
Sneezy: A LOT of food.
Bashful: ...and we're poor miners...we...don't make much.
Snow White: Really? With all those jewels you guys pull out of the ground?
Doc: The De Beers cartel takes an enormous cut.
Dopey: So...we try to be careful with our food.
Grouchy: Cause we're dwarfs.
Bashful: ...but you're like...Gargantua.
Snow White: I'm sorry! I'm big boned. I have a healthy appetite.
Doc: Well, it's not just the food. It's your spending, too.
Snow White: What do you mean?
Sneezy: In the last week alone, you purchased new dishes, replaced our window dressings, remodeled the bathroom and bought an ottoman.
Snow White: I'm just trying to make this place a little more cheery.
Grouchy: You know what would cheer us up? Not having to work in the mines so much to support your spending habit, that's what would cheer us up.
Dopey: We don't like trading in our precious time for useless stuff.
Snow White: You're right, you're right. I'm sorry, I didn't realize money was so tight.
Grouchy: Seven men living together in a tiny, little cottage? We don't even have separate bedrooms. That didn't clue you in?
Snow White: Well, to be honest, I just thought...I thought that...
Grouchy: Exactly what did you think, deary?
Snow White: I just thought, you know, that...I, uh...not that there's anything wrong with that...
Sneezy: Oh, puh-lease!! I knew it. How typical. You tallsies are always jumping to conclusions.
Doc: You mean to say you haven't noticed Dopey, Sleepy and even Bashful ogling you all these weeks?
Snow White: Well, I guess I was just focused on my own problems. Witches and poison apples and all. I get self-absorbed sometimes.
Grouchy: You think?
Snow White: I'm sorry! Had I known you were on a budget...
Doc: Technically, we don't budget. We track.
Grouchy: Budgeting doesn't work because it's all about what you can't do.
Happy: But by tracking expenses, we learn where our money is going and then we choose not to spend it! It's proactive and positive!
Sneezy: So anyway, we're thinking, maybe you should get out more, you know? Get some sun.
Bashful: ...get some...color...in your skin.
Doc: Get...a job, even.
Snow White: Me? A job? Well, I don't know...
Grouchy: First Rule - Earn a Good Income.
Happy: I'm sure you can find a vocation to your liking, SW!
Snow White: Well...I always wanted to be an anchorwoman.
Grouchy: Too squeaky.
Happy: ...but you do have the complexion for it!
Snow White: ...a fashion designer?
Grouchy: Too dated.
Happy: ...but your style is memorable!
Snow White: ...a financial planner?
Grouchy: Seriously?!
Happy: Even I can't put a good spin on that one, Snow.
Snow White: Well...I know! I could mine with you guys!
Dopey: Uh...yeah...but you're Gargantua, remember? You'd never fit in the mine. Even I can figure that one out.
Snow White: (Sigh.) Woe is me! Woe is me! I don't have any natural talent or acumen for anything. And I never learned any skill at all! I'm useless! No talent, no skill, no nothing! Oh, what shall I do? What ever shall I do?
Sleepy: (...)
Dopey: (...)
Grumpy: (...)
Bashful: (...)
Happy: (...)
Sneezy: (...)
Doc: ...have you thought about getting an MBA?
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