Freedom vs. Happiness

Fern was about three years old when he asked Rooty and me for 

1. a brother
2. a sister
3. a dog
4. a cat

In that priority order.

It took us awhile, but we finally got him a baby brother.  But the addition of Sprout to the family wasn't quite what Fern envisioned.  Months later, when Sprout was about eight months old, Fern came back to us and announced:

"Mm..I think I want a dog, instead."

 

Never one to miss an opportunity, I replied:

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?  They've got a 90 day exchange policy, I can't do anything about it now!"

Okay, before you go feeling sorry for Fern, he eventually got what he wanted.  By the time Sprout was about two, Fern was tying string, ribbon, whatever he could find, around Sprout's waist and dragging him around the house.

"Doggie, come here.  No!  Bad doggie!  Bad, bad!"

---

It's not always easy knowing what to wish for.  Things don't always turn out the way you might imagine.  (You know what I'm gonna say, right?)  Take early retirement.  (See?  I told you.)

A friend of mine envisions retirement as sipping Mai Tais on a tropical beach.  Hanging out.  Kicking back.  A permanent vacation, of sorts.

Yeah, it doesn't work that way.  At least, not for me.
 

"If you're about to complain about retirement, Dungwad, you'll get no sympathy from me."

No, no.  No complaints.  I just want people on the verge of retirement to know what their new reality may be like.  Let me explain.

"Wheeeeee.  Another story."

Hang in their, Slash.  When I was an undergrad, dead week was pretty intense.  No partying, no relaxing, no fun of any kind.  Campus was truly "dead" as everyone was holed up, cramming for finals.  (From my understanding, dead week is still that way, except that kids have replaced studying with tweeting and twerking.)   (Don't knock it.  It worked for Miley.)

But dead week also gave me one of my best college memories.  I'm not talking about the subjects I studied.  I don't remember a thing about them.  (Okay, well, I do remember a few things.  Like, I'd be a lot taller if I traveled at the speed of light...that always seemed like a good, practical application of relativity.)

So I guess I have to clarify.  My fondest dead week memory was tossing an empty Liquid Paper bottle back and forth with my roommate, into each other's garbage can.  Set shots.  Jump shots.  Hook shots.  We had so much fun.  We played that for hours.  (College kids don't play it these days because..what is Liquid Paper?)

"Wow, Deadweek, you're a real party animal.  You play that all the time?"

Actually, we only played it that once.  After that day, it lost it's appeal.  The truth is, Liquid Paper basketball was only fun because 

1. It was stupid.  (Stupid is always fun.)

And mostly because
 

2.  I was supposed to be doing something else.

"Once again, I have no idea where you're going with this."

Yeah, okay, the point I am trying to make is that retirement isn't some kind of permanent vacation.  Vacations are fun because they are a break from your normal routine.  In other words, they are enjoyable because they diverge from their larger context.  Once finals were over, Liquid Paper basketball had no appeal whatsoever.

I once heard on the radio that a person’s disposition is almost completely resilient to changes in their situation.  A miserable and nasty person who wins the lottery may become happy for a while, but will eventually go right back to being miserable and nasty.  Conversely, an optimistic, outgoing person who is paralyzed from a terrible car accident may be depressed for awhile.  Maybe for months.  But he will eventually go back to being a happy, positive force in life.

Retirement is kind of like that for me.  Initially, I felt elated.  A weight had been lifted from my shoulders - I no longer thought about work all the time.  Instead, I felt a deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.  But then the days started to feel less like a celebration and more like a long vacation.  And eventually, even the vacation feeling went away.  The days just became the new normal.  I don’t wake up thinking “Hooray, I'm so happy!  No more work!”  I just have a new routine where work is no longer relevant.  And I am more or less back to my normal disposition.  (You know, miserable, nasty…)

"So you're basically advising anyone seeking early retirement to just bag the idea.  It's not a fabulous, permanent vacation and it won't make you any happier than working, so just stay put.  Is that right?"

Not at all.  In fact, for anyone who is financially capable of retiring early, I highly recommend it.  Your quality of life can improve dramatically.

"Dang it, Dillweed, you drive me crazy.  You are completely schizophrenic."

I am not schizophrenic.  And neither am I.  For me, retirement is less about daily happiness than about contentment with life in general.  Some days are a lot of fun.  Other days, not so much.  But my life in retirement is much more fulfilling than I even imagined.

My calendar used to dictate my life.  I had anywhere from eight to fifteen meetings a day.  I would arrive at work in the morning thinking I was going to do x, y and z.  And then I'd open my computer to find that several VPs had basically redone my calendar to do a, b and c instead.  And it went well beyond the normal work hours.  Midnight meetings with Singapore or India.  Dawn meetings with Germany or Spain.  It was very disruptive to life.

Now that I am retired, my calendar no longer tells me what to do.  Instead, it merely serves as a journal - simply recording what I chose to do with my time.  Retirement has given me freedom, not happiness.

"I don't get it.  What good is freedom if it doesn't make you happy?"

Freedom allows me to help Fern with his homework, which can be extremely frustrating, but is also an investment in his future and our relationship.  I am free to retrieve Sprout’s helium balloon from the ceiling for the hundredth time, which can be monotonous, but is also a bonding experience.  And I am free to do laundry with Rooty, which may be unexciting, but is still pleasant, quiet time together.

"So, let me get this straight.  Retirement gives you freedom; not to fruitlessly pursue greater happiness, but to find more fulfillment in life by deepening your personal relationships?"

Yeah.  You know, Slash, I think that's it.