Dear Deady

Dear Woody,

I have been tracking my expenses just like you advise.  Turns out, I spend way too much on junk food.  I just can't help it!  After a long day at work, I like to unwind in front of the television and graze.  Don't tell me to stop buying snacks.  I try, but I can only shop right after work and that is when I am most vulnerable.  Help!

- Couch Potato Chips

"How Much Do I Need?"

About a year ago, the whole family was in the car, rushing out of the house one morning.  Our first stop was Sprout's preschool.  As we were running late, Rooty had asked Fern to help Sprout put on his socks.  Fern tried, but then complained.
 

Fern: He won't let me.

Rooty: What do you mean?

Fern: Instead of giving me his feet, he's hiding them from me.

Rooty: Sprout, you can help, too, you know.

Sprout: No, I can't.

Rooty: What do you mean?

Sprout: Fern already has his shoes and socks on.

Intentional Time

I was an engineering major.  Hated it.  To avoid dying of complete boredom, I took a couple of philosophy electives.  Lots of words in philosophy.  Lots of big words in philosophy.  And soooo esoteric.  But I did manage to take away a few really deep and powerful concepts:

1. You don't lead an intentional life until you come to terms with your own death. 
2. In general, female philosophy students are better looking than their engineering counterparts. 
3. But then again, they don't shave their armpits. 
4. Still, why should I complain about that?  It's not like they talk to me, anyway.

I paid good money for my education.
 

Rule 3: Invest Wisely (The Rock Stars)

"The Intervention"

An Original Screenplay

by

Oregon Deadwood

FADE IN:

INT. DEADWOOD'S HOME - EVENING

Three well-dressed, distinguished, intelligent, white males sit on an old and uncomfortable couch.  Well, two are distinguished.  One is kind of frumpy.  All are clearly annoyed and impatient. 

DEADWOOD, a middle-aged, average height, balding (don't you think he knows that?) blogger from the Northwest is running around putting snacks on the coffee table (chips, nuts, beer).  The doorbell rings.  Deadwood anxiously answers the door.